Molly's Story

"Abuse has nothing to do with intelligence"

Molly had built a successful career supporting other people through difficult times. She never imagined she would one day need specialist support herself.

Looking back, she says nothing about her education, independence or life experience protected her from domestic abuse.

“People often assume it’s about intelligence,” she says. “I have three degrees and worked as a therapist for nearly a decade. Abuse has nothing to do with intelligence.”

One in four women, and one in six men, will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime. It affects people from every background, profession and stage of life.

But people still imagine there is a certain ‘type’ of person who experiences abuse; or assume that ‘smart’ people would recognise the warning signs and leave, before things got too far. Molly hopes her story encourages people to question those assumptions.

For her, the abuse developed gradually.

“It doesn’t usually happen all at once. People are broken down over time. They lose confidence, lose themselves and become isolated.”

Domestic abuse is often understood only through physical violence, but the reality can be much more complex. Coercive and controlling behaviour can slowly undermine a person’s confidence, isolate them from the people around them and leave them questioning their own judgement, even when no physical violence has taken place.

When Molly discovered she was pregnant with her first child, she realised she could no longer stay with her abuser.

After a violent incident, she made the difficult decision to leave.

“I realised it was a very unsafe environment, and I couldn’t put a child in that situation.”

Leaving was not the end of her fear. If anything, it brought a new set of worries.

She feared her partner would discover she was trying to get help. She worried about facing the future alone while pregnant. Most of all, she feared the uncertainty of what would come next.

“I knew I was in a bad situation, but I worried that if I left it might get worse. I didn’t know what support would look like. The unknown is so scary.”

Searching online led Molly to Women’s Aid, who referred her to Alongside’s refuge service.

Before she arrived, members of the Alongside team contacted her when it was safe to do so, explaining what would happen and answering the questions she had about the accommodation. When she arrived by train, a member of staff was there to meet her at the station.

Domestic abuse often leaves people constantly alert to danger. Having a place where Molly could begin to let her guard down was the first step towards feeling safe again.

“The flat felt very homely. They made sure I had everything I needed but also gave me space. I felt relaxed for the first time in a very long time.”

For someone who had spent so long living with uncertainty and fear, that sense of safety did not come from one big moment. It grew through everyday acts of care. Staff made sure she had the things she had left behind while packing in a hurry. They helped her access therapy, introduced her to other organisations who could support her with specific needs and were available whenever she needed practical advice or simply someone to talk to.

“Their doors were always open, even if you just wanted a cup of tea.”

Abuse had changed the way Molly saw herself. Slowly, with support, she began to trust her own judgement again.

“They helped me see my own strength. They gave me confidence in myself and helped me recognise what I was capable of.”

Today, her eldest daughter carries the middle name of one of her support workers who supported her while she was living at the refuge.

“My daughter, who I was pregnant with at the time, has that middle name because my support worker made such a big impact on my life.”

Recovery has not meant forgetting what happened. Molly still receives mental health support when she needs it and recognises that healing takes time.

Life today, however, looks very different from the one she left behind.

She now lives in a safe home with her new partner, her two daughters and their cats.

“We’ve even been abroad on holiday, which is something I’d never done before.”

Looking back, Molly believes the support she received helped her build a healthy relationship and believe that life could be different.

One of the reasons Molly wanted to share her story is because she believes people often misunderstand domestic abuse.

“People think victims choose to stay, but that’s not the case. You’re gradually stripped of your confidence and your support networks. You’re made to feel like nobody will help you.”

For Molly, challenging those misconceptions matters just as much as sharing her own experience.

“It can happen to anyone. It can happen at any age. It can happen to men as well as women. There is no one type of victim.”

She also wants other people experiencing domestic abuse to know that asking for help, although frightening, can be the beginning of something different.

“The hardest part is making the decision. Once you make that decision, even though there is still uncertainty, things do get better.”

Today, Molly says she is most proud of her children. But she is also proud of herself for making the decision to leave.

“It was incredibly difficult, but it was the best thing I have ever done.”

If there is one thing she hopes people remember, it is this.

Domestic abuse does not discriminate. It can happen to anyone. Nobody should have to face it alone.

The image used is for illustrative purposes only and does not show the person featured in this story.