Behind the refuge door: how Alongside supports families after domestic abuse

What happens when someone arrives at a domestic abuse refuge? What does everyday life look like, and what support is there for women and their children?

At one of Alongside's domestic abuse refuges, women and children escaping domestic abuse have a safe place to stay while staff support them with the practical and emotional effects of what they have experienced. Families often stay for several months, giving them time to settle, access support and prepare for living independently.

Every day is different

Each morning begins with welfare checks. Staff knock on residents' doors to make sure everyone is safe and see how they are doing. What is meant to be a quick check-in can easily turn into a longer conversation, particularly after the weekend.

"Sometimes everybody comes out onto the landing at the same time, and it becomes quite a social event. The children are usually very excited to see us as well."

After that, the day can go in any number of directions. Staff hold one-to-one support sessions, work with children, attend appointments and school meetings, speak with other organisations and respond when somebody needs extra support.

There is time set aside for paperwork and planning too, although an open-door approach means plans often change. Someone may need to talk about something that has happened or simply want a bit of company.

"Sometimes people simply want a cup of tea, a chat or a change of scenery."

As one member of the team puts it,

"There is never really a typical day."

Supporting the whole family

Women have regular support sessions covering areas such as healthy relationships, emotional wellbeing, finances and practical issues. Staff also help with appointments and meetings and can connect residents with counselling, parenting courses and other local support.

Children receive support based on their age and individual needs. This can include helping them understand and manage their emotions, work through their experiences, build friendships and feel more confident.

The adult and children's work is closely connected. Staff work with the family as a whole, including supporting parents with school meetings and helping them understand changes in their children's behaviour.

Making somewhere feel like home

Feeling safe and comfortable where you live is part of what makes somewhere feel like home. After leaving an abusive relationship, that sense of safety is particularly important.

Alongside's housing staff make sure the accommodation is safe, clean and well maintained, dealing with repairs and replacing furniture when needed. The team also organises activities, trips and house meetings, giving residents opportunities to spend time together and children space to play.

The sense of community grows between residents too. When someone new arrives, other women will often help them settle in, show them around and include them in activities. Staff see how much difference support from someone with a shared understanding can make.

There are difficult conversations and difficult days, but there is plenty of ordinary life too. People stop for a chat; children play together and there is often laughter between residents and staff.

Trust develops over time, and the team wants people to know they can speak openly without worrying about being judged.

"No matter what someone tells us, we want them to feel safe speaking openly. We will not make people feel guilty or ashamed."

As residents become more comfortable, staff often find that people begin talking more openly about what they have been through and what they need.

The small changes staff notice

Working closely with families means staff often notice small changes that might seem insignificant to somebody outside the refuge. But for the families themselves, those small changes can mean a great deal.

For a child, it might be putting down a school bag they previously carried everywhere or becoming comfortable enough to take down their hood. For an adult, it could be making eye contact, talking more openly or feeling comfortable with a door closed.

"The guard starts to come down."

Staff remember one woman who began painting after she arrived. She told them she had not felt safe enough to paint before. Once she did, creativity became part of her life again.

Her experience later inspired the service's involvement with art projects and the introduction of art materials for new residents.

These changes can tell staff a lot about how somebody is feeling. As the team explained, knowing that they are in fact somewhere safe can help residents begin to relax.

"That is when recovery starts."

Preparing for what comes next

Alongside's support also helps families prepare for life after the refuge. This can include finding suitable housing, managing money, developing practical skills and continuing work around healthy relationships and emotional wellbeing.

For the team, one of the best parts of the job is helping someone move into their new home and seeing them open the door to a place that is theirs.

Support can continue for three months after someone moves on, helping families with bills, settling in and other practical issues. Some former residents stay in touch for years, while others choose to leave that part of their lives behind.

After years of supporting women and children, the team is clear about one thing:

“People are not broken.”

The refuge gives families somewhere safe to live while they work out what they need and prepare for what comes next. Staff are there for the practical problems, difficult conversations and everyday moments in between.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, find out more about Alongside's domestic abuse services and how to access support.

Domestic abuse refuges | Alongside Website